She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
