And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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