so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
