I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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