i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
