I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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