Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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