I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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