I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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