Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
