I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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