Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
