I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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