the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
