fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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