i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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