Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
