I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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