went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
