I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
