its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
