I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
