Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked

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(417): View more from Missouri

i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.

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(775): View more from Nevada

So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.

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(904): View more from Florida

Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"

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(773): View more from Illinois

I think I sprained my soul last night

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(816): View more from Missouri

He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.

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(310): View more from California

She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed

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