I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
