My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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