the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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