when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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