So gin and wine won't be happening again
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
