just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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