What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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