"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
