I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
