remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
