im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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