I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
