I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize