my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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