he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
