moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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