I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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