Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
