i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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