Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
