she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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