why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
