I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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