3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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