Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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