i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
