Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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