We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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