The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
