just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
