I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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