i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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