Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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