I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
