So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
