If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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