i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize