Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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