? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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