my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
