just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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