Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
