There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
