Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
