I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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