dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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