This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
