Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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